musician::Mandy DeSutter::designer

Right Around the Corner…

Emanate in Franklin, TN

I have only gotten to attend Grace Center’s young adult group, Emanate, on a few occasions as most of the time I am on the road when it meets. But, towards the end of last week I knew that no matter how worn down I was I would attend the following Monday. Monday arrived and my exhaustion from my busy schedule started to persuade me out of attending Emanate. About the time I decided I may just stay home after all I received a text message inviting me to play viola at Emanate that night. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. There is something incredible about this group of people and the way they cry out to God. I had been wanting to participate with my instrument in worship but the right time had not come about. God’s timing in me coming in that night to play could not have been more perfect. “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20. That verse came to life for me last night.

I arrived at around 7pm for ‘rehearsal.’ I am use to structured rehearsals involving chord/ number charts and song orders. Last night I received none of those things. I knew it was gonna be a good night. We rehearsed the remnants of 3 songs and then went behind stage to just enjoy each other. When it was time to lead the body in worship we got up on stage and our worship leader, Chris McClarney, started playing a song we had not even discussed, let alone practiced. It was a powerful night. God touched so many hearts and you could see them genuinely crying out for God. The freedom I felt and the power that I saw manifested was priceless. The Kingdom of God is real… not merely talk but containing a POWER that is priceless. Just thinking about it today I am in awe and also can’t stop smiling. Last night I felt like what I was experiencing was what I designed for. It is an amazing feeling when you know you are where you are meant to be and that God uniquely designed for you to be there.

I walked off stage with a plastered smile on my face. I also walked off stage with not a clue of reality either. It was probably a good thing. :p I left my viola sitting on stage and then as I sat down in the back I realized that I was ‘stuck’ at this meeting until the very end. This is a bit of a charismatic group so I knew it could take awhile. So, I made myself comfortable in my seat and prayed that the Lord would give me energy that I was majorly lacking. I had a bit of help with the jell-o pudding cups they had in the back for a snack. It was G-O-O-D!!! And when it came down to it, I was so grateful that God is in charge. I would have missed out on the POWER that God was showing if I had gone with my plan for the evening.

As the night progressed it was almost 10:00pm and the speaker had been sharing MAYBE for 15 minutes. He spoke on the goodness of God. Let’s just say… He had my attention. The goodness of God is something that is hard to cling to in troubled times yet it is something that is so freeing when you do grasp it. No matter how we feel, or what we are going through, God is still good. And there is such a peace that comes when you say it out loud and just let yourself feel it. It’s almost as if your cares start to fade. Anyways, I have much more to tell of this story…

Towards the end of the sermon, the speaker asked if the ‘violin girl was still around?’ After someone yelled out, ‘it’s a viola!’ I politely waved my hand from the back to let him know I was there. Of course my heart was pounding as I considered the next words that were about to come out of his mouth. ‘Perhaps he just wanted to pay me a compliment or maybe he had a word for me.’ Just to leave me and the other 300 people in suspense he simple said ‘good’ and started sharing a dream he had with us. My heart was RACING at this point. His dream…

‘I was at Emanate and I looked up on stage and a girl who I had never seen before was up there singing. She had an anointing on her and people were being healed.’

I believe that is everything he said but of course I was freaking out in my head over what he wanted with me so I may have missed a few parts to his dream. :p He then proceeded to ask if I were STILL there and of course again I raised my hand. He said, ‘In a minute I am going to have you come up on stage and play.’ He also said, ‘we are going into a time of prayer and healing.’ Next thing I knew I was heading on stage where I would spend the next 30 minutes playing over this incredible group of people and interceding for their healing… both physically and spiritually. I could have cried at that moment. God, in HIS perfect timing set me exactly where HE wanted me to be and showed me what I was created to do.

A few days before this experience I was discouraged and wondering if I had missed the mark. I wasn’t sure how my music fit into life and wasn’t sure if I had heard God right about my calling. All it took was one text message and an obedient worship leader to make my desires and yearnings my reality. My life view shifted at that moment. I literally looked out and saw God doing miracles while I got to just dance with my instrument. Words cannot express how amazing that was for me.

And if you are still interested in this story… here is a bit of background…

Months ago God prepared me for Monday night. On August 11, 2009 a woman I had known for only a few days prophesied these EXACT words over me,

‘Felt like God said this is a preparation time for all He is going to do in the future.  This time is needed to go deep with him, for where He is taking you need to be fully grounded in him.  Do not despise the small beginnings. God is preparing you for something big through music.  And part of it is prophetic in nature.  Your viola will be a prophetic instrument that when you play focused on Heaven, you will literally bring it down to earth and ppl will be set free from bondage they didn’t even know they had.’

I had been praying to see that in my reality because I wasn’t seeing that come to life. On Monday night at Emanate I saw that word come to life. And everything God has been taking me through over the last several months has been my preparation for what HE has in store. It was all right around the corner.

What is in store next?! I have no idea. But I do know that God has great things in store. He has made me to lie down in green pastures. The inheritance He has for me is good and complete. And, what I felt even a day ago is gone. My fear that I had missed my calling has been settled by my Father… can’t beat that!

I hope this encourages all of you who may be struggling with how God feels about you or with your calling in life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that dry and harvest seasons are necessary to fulfill all that God has in store for your life. Embrace whatever season you are in because you never know what is right around the corner… And also remember that God is good. The sermon that evening could not have been more perfect for what God was doing in my life.

When Life Doesn’t Make Sense…

When life doesn’t make sense… how do you make sense of it?! That is the season I am in right now. I am trying to hold tightly to God’s promises of prosperity and fulfilled desires but am experiencing the exact opposite. Does that mean that God lied to me? Not at all. So then how do I make sense of the voids?! I read this passage the other day in Romans and it directly spoke to my life at the moment…

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it has been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead– since he was about a hundred years old– and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:18-21

God made an impossible promise to Abraham… impossible for Abraham to fulfill. Abraham in his youth was promised to be the father of more children than he could count; more numerous than the stars. As he grew old he still hadn’t seen this fulfilled in his life. Abraham had a decision to make. Would he decide that he had misheard God and that maybe God had different plans or would he continue of on believing in God’s promise over his life? He chose to believe in impossibility.

That is the crossroad I am sitting at. I believe that God has placed a calling over my life as a minister using my viola. I have had prophecies spoken over my life, more times than I can count, confirming my role as a minister of music. Yet,  I see void all around me. I see financial void mostly. And I sit in a place where I am not sure if it is time to call this vision off and walk into financial stability. But there is something internal that tells me to believe in God’s promises. That voice came to Abraham in the most barren time of his life. And yet he believed. I chose to believe as well.

But then here is another thought that comes to my head… what about my future? I have been told by many that God has the perfect guy out there for me. I was told through prophecy a long time ago that I shouldn’t worry about my husband because God has ordained that part of my life to be fulfilled in due time. Well, when is my time? Has God forgotten that promise as well? Can I at least have one thing… a successful career or a husband? But all I hear is trust, wait, believe. So I continue on…

Many people look at that kind of faith as denial of reality. It is hard to understand why some people walk gracefully through life and others have to almost pry doors open or tread through miles of weeds to get to the door. But no matter the journey we are called to the same posture… face to the ground. That is where I chose to stay.

In this season of barren land I chose to worship God. I chose to believe in His promises. I chose to wait. Hannah prayed, “The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.” 1 Samuel 2:6-8

He chooses poverty, barrenness at times. But He is still in control and we still get to take the same position at His feet. I lean on that promise that I will never have to walk this out alone. Thank you Father for your goodness and for always being there. For not letting the righteous be put to shame. For being my provider. I trust you Lord.

My story…

I was born in Central Illinois in 1981. For the first part of my life it was just me and my Ma. When I was  14 my Ma got remarried and thus entered my step-dad. It was a hard adjustment at first but now I have grown to love him and thank God for him as he is such a blessing to me and my Ma.

After high school I applied for colleges all throughout the US and ended up at the state school in my hometown studying viola. After college I decided to stay in my town and serve in my church as an intern. Within months that turned into a paid position. I officially went on staff serving as the Programs and Worship Coordinator. That was the hardest, most challenging and most life-changing experiences for me. I will never forget that year of my life. It was in that year that God started to truly lay Nashville on my heart. I had thought about going there a few years back but while on staff I started to pursue the idea. I looked at the Grad program at Belmont and decided that wasn’t what I wanted. Then, months later I looked at the Undergrad program for Music Business and decided that, that was what I was to pursue. SO, I stepped down from my position at church and headed to Nashville as the oldest undergrad!! Talk about a humbling experience… That year was so stretching for me as it was my first “move away from home.” Yikes! But God got me through it. The summer after I moved I got the opportunity to serve as a the Junior High Girl’s leader at a church in TX so I said yes. That summer my biggest lesson was learning how to shine in the moments when I wanted to give up. God gave me the phrase…

“YOU CAN WHINE, OR YOU CAN SHINE!”

I chose to shine and God met me. It ended up being an unforgettable summer and a place that I long to go back to!! From that summer I moved back to Nashville but didn’t continue at Belmont. I felt like I had started over again and was so miserable in that feeling. I was lonely and tired of trials and just wanted rest. God allowed me to sit on my couch eating junk food and watching Gilmore Girls for 6 months while I mourned some of the hard things I had been through. At the end of the 6 months I was sitting on my couch and heard God say, “Are you ready to get up? I have some things I want to show you.” I got myself up and knew it was time to start living again. SO, I made my way to a Christmas Party that I had randomly heard about as I felt God telling me that He had something for me there. Well, He did!! I met some of the most incredible people and some of them are now my dearest friends. God set me on a new path that night and I was ready to go!

From there God has challenged me with questions like, “IF you could do one thing perfectly in your life what would you do?” In thinking through that and realizing that “everything on this earth will fade” I knew that all I wanted was to be a LIFE FULLY SURRENDERED TO THE LORD. God continues to teach me, build my faith and challenge my character in order to meet my request. And I love it!!!

Miracles have been performed in my life since my birth but in the last few years I have taken note of them. God calls us to remember what He has done, to recall the blessings, to dwell on what is good, to allow HIM to be our praise. As I think about all that He has done, I am amazed!

In the last few years He has gotten me out of my personal debt. He has shown me a new level of trust as  I walk out being a musician and graphic designer. He is giving me a love for His Word and a yearning to understand it. He is pressing me into Himself and showing me how much He loves me.