When Life Doesn’t Make Sense…
When life doesn’t make sense… how do you make sense of it?! That is the season I am in right now. I am trying to hold tightly to God’s promises of prosperity and fulfilled desires but am experiencing the exact opposite. Does that mean that God lied to me? Not at all. So then how do I make sense of the voids?! I read this passage the other day in Romans and it directly spoke to my life at the moment…
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it has been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead– since he was about a hundred years old– and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:18-21
God made an impossible promise to Abraham… impossible for Abraham to fulfill. Abraham in his youth was promised to be the father of more children than he could count; more numerous than the stars. As he grew old he still hadn’t seen this fulfilled in his life. Abraham had a decision to make. Would he decide that he had misheard God and that maybe God had different plans or would he continue of on believing in God’s promise over his life? He chose to believe in impossibility.
That is the crossroad I am sitting at. I believe that God has placed a calling over my life as a minister using my viola. I have had prophecies spoken over my life, more times than I can count, confirming my role as a minister of music. Yet, I see void all around me. I see financial void mostly. And I sit in a place where I am not sure if it is time to call this vision off and walk into financial stability. But there is something internal that tells me to believe in God’s promises. That voice came to Abraham in the most barren time of his life. And yet he believed. I chose to believe as well.
But then here is another thought that comes to my head… what about my future? I have been told by many that God has the perfect guy out there for me. I was told through prophecy a long time ago that I shouldn’t worry about my husband because God has ordained that part of my life to be fulfilled in due time. Well, when is my time? Has God forgotten that promise as well? Can I at least have one thing… a successful career or a husband? But all I hear is trust, wait, believe. So I continue on…
Many people look at that kind of faith as denial of reality. It is hard to understand why some people walk gracefully through life and others have to almost pry doors open or tread through miles of weeds to get to the door. But no matter the journey we are called to the same posture… face to the ground. That is where I chose to stay.
In this season of barren land I chose to worship God. I chose to believe in His promises. I chose to wait. Hannah prayed, “The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.” 1 Samuel 2:6-8
He chooses poverty, barrenness at times. But He is still in control and we still get to take the same position at His feet. I lean on that promise that I will never have to walk this out alone. Thank you Father for your goodness and for always being there. For not letting the righteous be put to shame. For being my provider. I trust you Lord.
Tags: Bible, faith, My Life, testimony