On Tuesday March 2, 2010; One week ago today; one of my dearest friends was rushed to the hospital with seizure like symptoms. Within hours they discovered she had a mass on her brain. 24 hours after that discovery they named it a benign tumor and started her on steroids and other pain medications so that they could allow time for the swelling in her brain to go down before putting her through surgery to remove the tumor.
Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine I would walk with a friend through a tragedy like this but alas this has become a part of her story and has now trailed its way into mine. This blog entry is not designed to give you details about Jenna’s tumor If you’d like to hear more about the last week you can see our updates at http://www.aussiejoyslife.com. I just want to share with you a few things I have learned out of this experience…
The thing that has blown all of our minds has been God’s presence and peace in the entire situation. Jenna has an infectious smile and laugh that has penetrated the hospital room for the 6 days she has awaited surgery. She has puzzled nurses and doctors with her calm and resolved attitude. And she has touched so many other patients with her sweet spirit and genuine love. She has shown us what joy in the midst of a trial looks like and has given me the courage to walk into anything put before me.
What I really want to share is the idea of COMMUNITY. Man, it has been incredible. Just today I was telling a friend that I don’t want this all to end because I have loved the community that has come out of this situation. We have spent so much time laughing and sharing what God is doing all around us. We have spent time pleaded with God in prayer and praising Him with our voices and even instruments (in the hospital!!!) I cannot tell you what that has done in my heart.
I truly believe that for the first time in my life I am seeing the fullness of God’s design for fellowship among believers. Void of selfishness, jealousy, and desire for status. Only love and a desire to serve has filled the hospital room 221 and then 708 for the last 6 days. I am starting to see why God calls us to this kind of community… it is so life giving. I have walked away each day so tired and ready for bed but also so refreshed and satisfied and loved. Even tonight I had a meal with Jenna’s family and another friend. Just sharing stories of what God has done just left me so energized. I believe this is the life we are offered as believers. And this all came in the midst of what so many would name a tragedy. But for Jenna it has been a time of joy and peace and rest… and that has allowed for us to experience true community and fellowship.
The COMMUNITY consisted of people from all sides of Jenna’s life coming together with two common factors: Jesus and Jenna. But our differences didn’t matter. We all gave to one another emotionally and physically. We met each others needs financially even. There was one moment when I cooked a meal for the family and another friend turned around and gave me almost the exact amount of money that I spent on the meal. As I gave, I received. For me this verse came to life at that moment…
And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. Acts 2:42-47
And it continued… there were a core of us that were in and out of the hospital every day. I watched other scriptures come to life as I sat back and looked at how we functioned with eachother…
So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for one another… 1 Corinthians 11:33
But God has composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:24-26
I smile when I think about all the moments we have had over the last week. It has been such a sweet close-up of true God-centered community. My prayer now is that this will continue past today as she is on the other side of this journey. The surgery is complete and she is safely resting in the ICU. What does your community look like? Do you feel more alive when you leave a time of fellowship? Do you walk away knowing more about God and yearning to be with Him more? I believe true community will cause you to say a resounding “YES!!!” to all of those questions.
I have only gotten to attend Grace Center’s young adult group, Emanate, on a few occasions as most of the time I am on the road when it meets. But, towards the end of last week I knew that no matter how worn down I was I would attend the following Monday. Monday arrived and my exhaustion from my busy schedule started to persuade me out of attending Emanate. About the time I decided I may just stay home after all I received a text message inviting me to play viola at Emanate that night. I couldn’t say yes fast enough. There is something incredible about this group of people and the way they cry out to God. I had been wanting to participate with my instrument in worship but the right time had not come about. God’s timing in me coming in that night to play could not have been more perfect. “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20. That verse came to life for me last night.
I arrived at around 7pm for ‘rehearsal.’ I am use to structured rehearsals involving chord/ number charts and song orders. Last night I received none of those things. I knew it was gonna be a good night. We rehearsed the remnants of 3 songs and then went behind stage to just enjoy each other. When it was time to lead the body in worship we got up on stage and our worship leader, Chris McClarney, started playing a song we had not even discussed, let alone practiced. It was a powerful night. God touched so many hearts and you could see them genuinely crying out for God. The freedom I felt and the power that I saw manifested was priceless. The Kingdom of God is real… not merely talk but containing a POWER that is priceless. Just thinking about it today I am in awe and also can’t stop smiling. Last night I felt like what I was experiencing was what I designed for. It is an amazing feeling when you know you are where you are meant to be and that God uniquely designed for you to be there.
I walked off stage with a plastered smile on my face. I also walked off stage with not a clue of reality either. It was probably a good thing. :p I left my viola sitting on stage and then as I sat down in the back I realized that I was ’stuck’ at this meeting until the very end. This is a bit of a charismatic group so I knew it could take awhile. So, I made myself comfortable in my seat and prayed that the Lord would give me energy that I was majorly lacking. I had a bit of help with the jell-o pudding cups they had in the back for a snack. It was G-O-O-D!!! And when it came down to it, I was so grateful that God is in charge. I would have missed out on the POWER that God was showing if I had gone with my plan for the evening.
As the night progressed it was almost 10:00pm and the speaker had been sharing MAYBE for 15 minutes. He spoke on the goodness of God. Let’s just say… He had my attention. The goodness of God is something that is hard to cling to in troubled times yet it is something that is so freeing when you do grasp it. No matter how we feel, or what we are going through, God is still good. And there is such a peace that comes when you say it out loud and just let yourself feel it. It’s almost as if your cares start to fade. Anyways, I have much more to tell of this story…
Towards the end of the sermon, the speaker asked if the ‘violin girl was still around?’ After someone yelled out, ‘it’s a viola!’ I politely waved my hand from the back to let him know I was there. Of course my heart was pounding as I considered the next words that were about to come out of his mouth. ‘Perhaps he just wanted to pay me a compliment or maybe he had a word for me.’ Just to leave me and the other 300 people in suspense he simple said ‘good’ and started sharing a dream he had with us. My heart was RACING at this point. His dream…
‘I was at Emanate and I looked up on stage and a girl who I had never seen before was up there singing. She had an anointing on her and people were being healed.’
I believe that is everything he said but of course I was freaking out in my head over what he wanted with me so I may have missed a few parts to his dream. :p He then proceeded to ask if I were STILL there and of course again I raised my hand. He said, ‘In a minute I am going to have you come up on stage and play.’ He also said, ‘we are going into a time of prayer and healing.’ Next thing I knew I was heading on stage where I would spend the next 30 minutes playing over this incredible group of people and interceding for their healing… both physically and spiritually. I could have cried at that moment. God, in HIS perfect timing set me exactly where HE wanted me to be and showed me what I was created to do.
A few days before this experience I was discouraged and wondering if I had missed the mark. I wasn’t sure how my music fit into life and wasn’t sure if I had heard God right about my calling. All it took was one text message and an obedient worship leader to make my desires and yearnings my reality. My life view shifted at that moment. I literally looked out and saw God doing miracles while I got to just dance with my instrument. Words cannot express how amazing that was for me.
And if you are still interested in this story… here is a bit of background…
Months ago God prepared me for Monday night. On August 11, 2009 a woman I had known for only a few days prophesied these EXACT words over me,
‘Felt like God said this is a preparation time for all He is going to do in the future. This time is needed to go deep with him, for where He is taking you need to be fully grounded in him. Do not despise the small beginnings. God is preparing you for something big through music. And part of it is prophetic in nature. Your viola will be a prophetic instrument that when you play focused on Heaven, you will literally bring it down to earth and ppl will be set free from bondage they didn’t even know they had.’
I had been praying to see that in my reality because I wasn’t seeing that come to life. On Monday night at Emanate I saw that word come to life. And everything God has been taking me through over the last several months has been my preparation for what HE has in store. It was all right around the corner.
What is in store next?! I have no idea. But I do know that God has great things in store. He has made me to lie down in green pastures. The inheritance He has for me is good and complete. And, what I felt even a day ago is gone. My fear that I had missed my calling has been settled by my Father… can’t beat that!
I hope this encourages all of you who may be struggling with how God feels about you or with your calling in life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that dry and harvest seasons are necessary to fulfill all that God has in store for your life. Embrace whatever season you are in because you never know what is right around the corner… And also remember that God is good. The sermon that evening could not have been more perfect for what God was doing in my life.
When life doesn’t make sense… how do you make sense of it?! That is the season I am in right now. I am trying to hold tightly to God’s promises of prosperity and fulfilled desires but am experiencing the exact opposite. Does that mean that God lied to me? Not at all. So then how do I make sense of the voids?! I read this passage the other day in Romans and it directly spoke to my life at the moment…
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it has been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead– since he was about a hundred years old– and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:18-21
God made an impossible promise to Abraham… impossible for Abraham to fulfill. Abraham in his youth was promised to be the father of more children than he could count; more numerous than the stars. As he grew old he still hadn’t seen this fulfilled in his life. Abraham had a decision to make. Would he decide that he had misheard God and that maybe God had different plans or would he continue of on believing in God’s promise over his life? He chose to believe in impossibility.
That is the crossroad I am sitting at. I believe that God has placed a calling over my life as a minister using my viola. I have had prophecies spoken over my life, more times than I can count, confirming my role as a minister of music. Yet, I see void all around me. I see financial void mostly. And I sit in a place where I am not sure if it is time to call this vision off and walk into financial stability. But there is something internal that tells me to believe in God’s promises. That voice came to Abraham in the most barren time of his life. And yet he believed. I chose to believe as well.
But then here is another thought that comes to my head… what about my future? I have been told by many that God has the perfect guy out there for me. I was told through prophecy a long time ago that I shouldn’t worry about my husband because God has ordained that part of my life to be fulfilled in due time. Well, when is my time? Has God forgotten that promise as well? Can I at least have one thing… a successful career or a husband? But all I hear is trust, wait, believe. So I continue on…
Many people look at that kind of faith as denial of reality. It is hard to understand why some people walk gracefully through life and others have to almost pry doors open or tread through miles of weeds to get to the door. But no matter the journey we are called to the same posture… face to the ground. That is where I chose to stay.
In this season of barren land I chose to worship God. I chose to believe in His promises. I chose to wait. Hannah prayed, “The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.” 1 Samuel 2:6-8
He chooses poverty, barrenness at times. But He is still in control and we still get to take the same position at His feet. I lean on that promise that I will never have to walk this out alone. Thank you Father for your goodness and for always being there. For not letting the righteous be put to shame. For being my provider. I trust you Lord.
I was born in Central Illinois in 1981. For the first part of my life it was just me and my Ma. When I was 14 my Ma got remarried and thus entered my step-dad. It was a hard adjustment at first but now I have grown to love him and thank God for him as he is such a blessing to me and my Ma.
After high school I applied for colleges all throughout the US and ended up at the state school in my hometown studying viola. After college I decided to stay in my town and serve in my church as an intern. Within months that turned into a paid position. I officially went on staff serving as the Programs and Worship Coordinator. That was the hardest, most challenging and most life-changing experiences for me. I will never forget that year of my life. It was in that year that God started to truly lay Nashville on my heart. I had thought about going there a few years back but while on staff I started to pursue the idea. I looked at the Grad program at Belmont and decided that wasn’t what I wanted. Then, months later I looked at the Undergrad program for Music Business and decided that, that was what I was to pursue. SO, I stepped down from my position at church and headed to Nashville as the oldest undergrad!! Talk about a humbling experience… That year was so stretching for me as it was my first “move away from home.” Yikes! But God got me through it. The summer after I moved I got the opportunity to serve as a the Junior High Girl’s leader at a church in TX so I said yes. That summer my biggest lesson was learning how to shine in the moments when I wanted to give up. God gave me the phrase…
“YOU CAN WHINE, OR YOU CAN SHINE!”
I chose to shine and God met me. It ended up being an unforgettable summer and a place that I long to go back to!! From that summer I moved back to Nashville but didn’t continue at Belmont. I felt like I had started over again and was so miserable in that feeling. I was lonely and tired of trials and just wanted rest. God allowed me to sit on my couch eating junk food and watching Gilmore Girls for 6 months while I mourned some of the hard things I had been through. At the end of the 6 months I was sitting on my couch and heard God say, “Are you ready to get up? I have some things I want to show you.” I got myself up and knew it was time to start living again. SO, I made my way to a Christmas Party that I had randomly heard about as I felt God telling me that He had something for me there. Well, He did!! I met some of the most incredible people and some of them are now my dearest friends. God set me on a new path that night and I was ready to go!
From there God has challenged me with questions like, “IF you could do one thing perfectly in your life what would you do?” In thinking through that and realizing that “everything on this earth will fade” I knew that all I wanted was to be a LIFE FULLY SURRENDERED TO THE LORD. God continues to teach me, build my faith and challenge my character in order to meet my request. And I love it!!!
Miracles have been performed in my life since my birth but in the last few years I have taken note of them. God calls us to remember what He has done, to recall the blessings, to dwell on what is good, to allow HIM to be our praise. As I think about all that He has done, I am amazed!
In the last few years He has gotten me out of my personal debt. He has shown me a new level of trust as I walk out being a musician and graphic designer. He is giving me a love for His Word and a yearning to understand it. He is pressing me into Himself and showing me how much He loves me.
A bit of wisdom from none other than Elisabeth Elliot. I would LOVE to sit and have coffee with her. She walks with such wisdom. If you haven’t read her book Passion and Purity I highly recommend it. She is just honest about life and her heart. It’s great!! Anyways, read on…
“… the heart set to do the Father’s will need never fear defeat. His promises of guidance may be fully encountered upon. Does it make sense to believe that the Shepherd would care less about getting His sheep where He wants them to go than they care about getting there?”
PSALM 32: 8-11 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who TRUSTS him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing all you who are upright in heart!”
Thank God today for His unfailing love and His hand on your life. Don’t miss the opportunity to see HIS goodness in your life today. He’s got you. Rejoice in that! Trust in that! Even as I write this encouragement to you God is encouraging me. The song ‘Trust’ by Kristene Mueller just came on my ITunes. Here is what she says…
“it’s the sweetest thing, to trust you. Just to know You’ve got everything under control. You are making me a mountain that cannot be shaken… You say, Ive got you my baby oh Ive got you. It’s quite the mess you’re in but it’s nothing love can’t fix. So sit here upon my shoulders and watch as it all unwinds. ”
God really does have us. I need to be reminded of that myself. Sometimes life takes over and I get caught up. But reality and truth says that we are bound by God’s unfailing love. What it would look like if we actually walked in that truth.
Father, take us outside of ourselves. You long to show us so much more than what we experience. We get tripped up in our circumstances and then we miss what is around us. May we walk in trust and love so that we don’t miss everything you have in store for us. Turns us into unshakable mountains that we can be used mightily for YOUR GLORY. God I want to enjoy you today. Take me past myself so that I can enjoy YOUR sweetness. You long to give us more than we can ask for or imagine. Help us to walk past our small moments so that we can see the unimaginable. I love you Daddy. You are so good to us. AMEN.
When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain… When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God?” Swear to God that you won’t torture me! For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man you evil spirit!” Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” And he begged Jesus again not to send them out of the area. Mark 5:2-10
Wow… this passage is humbling. This group of demons knew exactly who Christ was the moment they laid eyes on Him. At this point in Jesus’ journey there were many people that still couldn’t believe that He was God and that He carried an authority far greater than any earthly king. And here, His enemy, knew exactly what they were up against when they saw Christ.
Father, I pray that we would know you better than the demons do. That we would not depend on our own wisdom or understanding for that will deceive us. But instead, that we would grip to you and your knowledge so that we can know you far more than the demons ever can. That we would not be deceived by the evil one but that we would be able to stand up to him and the deceptions he creates because he knows You so well. Father, I love you so much. Thank you for this reminder that we need you so much and are prone to wander without Your daily guidance over our hearts and minds. You are a good God.
Clean water… have you ever stopped to think about how blessed we are to have clean water? I have grown up knowing that other countries are not blessed with clean water the way the US is and thought I appreciated what I have been given. But recently, I have come to realize my actions do not show my appreciation at all.
One night my friend was staying over at my house and as we were brushing our teeth something very funny happened. She quickly shut off the water that was continuously running while I leisurely brushed tooth by tooth and said, “running water hurts my ears.” We both laughed. Then we talked about how wasteful we can be with water. My friend partners with an organization called Global Benefit where they work to bring clean water to an area in Africa called Sierra Leone. She is very aware of water to the point that wasting it hurts her ears. That made me think.
So I have realized that I haven’t updated my blog in centuries so I thought I would take a moment to say hi. What a journey the last few weeks have been!! My life has shifted in so many good ways… I think it will be months before my jaw removes itself from the ground and my mouth stops smiling from ear to ear. In the last few days I have been working through my taxes… gotta love that season!! But, God has used it in such a cool way in my life. I have had to reflect on the sources of my income over the 2008 tax year and I realized then and there what God has done. My money came from the Coffee Shop, graphics and other random jobs… every once in a while you would see a check from music. In November my world drastically shifted and music became my biggest source of income and everything else almost fully dropped off. No more coffee shop, very few miscellaneous jobs and a few graphics checks. I was amazed!! God told me in November that I was to shift into doing music full time. I walked forward as He commanded me to but still moved slowly… waiting on Him. He opened door after door and now I am traveling more than I am at home in Nashville. It amazes me!! I just feel so blessed.
I have just started reading this book The Passion of Jesus Christ by John Piper. I am begging God to increase my mind and my wisdom because let me just tell you… this book is hard to grasp. For us to truly understand our sin and truly understand Christ’s purpose… I don’t think I have ever really understood. I have been gripped by His death from time to time but I have to constantly ask God to grip me with the reality of what has been done for me and for all of you!
Ok so I did a really bad job of writing everyday while on the tour. We traveled to Canada halfway through the trip and that ended things for me. There was no internet or phones in Canada!! Just kidding. But the first day that we were in Canada we were stopped in our tracks when we saw the word ROAMING across our phones and were trying to explain the new phenomenon of “wireless internet” to the nice older couple that we were staying with. We made it through though and are better people for it!! :p At any rate… I am now going to recap the end of the trip for you so that you all can experience the entire tour with us!!
Wednesday, Feb 25th, marked what I would say was the busiest day of the tour. That morning we lead worship at a christian school in Lockport. From there, we got a few hours of R & R and then headed straight to the Anchor Bar where we indulged in the most AMAZING chicken wings.
Buffalo is the home of those things so we got to try the finest ones!! It was so fun.Then we headed to the radio station WDCX where we got the privilege of having a two hour interview with host Neil Boron. We even got to play a few songs live on the air!!
IT was amazing!! I had never been a part of something like that. I was honored! Anadara did an incredible job describing her songs and her life to those listening and the whole afternoon was just plain fun!! Here is a little footage for you to enjoy…
After our radio spot we went straight to Love Joy Gospel Church where we lead their congregation in worship. The whole was jam packed but I would have to say was one of the highlights of the tour for me!!
The next morning after our crazy day we headed to Canada. And folks I will say, Canada was amazing!! We got to play a show alongside a dear friend Greg Sykes. He is an incredible songwriter with a voice that will melt your heart!! He and his wife so graciously took us into their home for our last weekend of the tour and we got the opportunity to get to know their hearts. They are amazing!!!
Greg, Pam and baby Niyah
The Saturday that we were in Canada we decided to go into vacation mode. The day consisted of the beautiful sites of Niagara Falls and Niagara on the Lake… followed by an incredible evening of Wii at Family Game Night with another family that we spent time with while in Canada. I decided to let you in on some of our day…
Then Sunday we got up early to lead worship at Greg’s church Central Gospel Temple and from there we headed back to Buffalo. That evening we got to enjoy ANOTHER family night. It was my dear friend Dick Murphy’s birthday so we celebrated and oh did we celebrate…
In conclusion… this trip was incredible. I miss New York right now. I got to see God do amazing things!! I got play music!! And I was overwhelmed by incredible people!! God is so good that He lets us enjoy life as we do!! To God be the glory…
But our differences didn’t matter. We all gave to one another emotionally and physically. We met each others needs financially even. There was one moment when I cooked a meal for the family and another friend turned around and gave me almost the exact amount of money that I spent on the meal. As I gave, I received. For me this verse came to life at that moment…
I was born in Central Illinois in 1981. For the first part of my life it was just me and my Ma. When I was 14 my Ma got remarried and thus entered my step-dad. It was a hard adjustment at first but now I have grown to love him and thank God for him as he is such a blessing to me and my Ma.
A bit of wisdom from none other than Elisabeth Elliot. I would LOVE to sit and have coffee with her. She walks with such wisdom. If you haven’t read her book 
